


Sleep On It

by compo67



Series: The Chicago Verse [136]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Curtain Fic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Furniture Shopping, Grumpy Dean Winchester, Grumpy Old Men, M/M, Old Married Couple, Psychic Abilities, Sassy Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21611332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compo67/pseuds/compo67
Summary: Sam and Dean are in search of a new mattress.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Series: The Chicago Verse [136]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/46578
Comments: 37
Kudos: 117





	Sleep On It

They go to IKEA first. 

After several attempts at trying out mattresses, Dean calls it quits. Too many people. Too much noise. He can’t fucking concentrate and none of the options impress him. 

After this, Sam finds himself carted over to a generic mattress chain somewhere out in the suburbs, fittingly called Sleep On It. Their salesman, a man younger than the coat Dean’s wearing, promises them that within this store lies the best night of sleep  _ ever _ . 

Dean frowns and folds his arms over his chest. “Yeah, I’m sure. Let me tell you what we’re looking for, so you know.” 

Josh grins and holds his arms open. “Great! Tell me your Sleep On It Wishlist.” 

“Please,” Dean grumbles, his hand held up, “don’t phrase it like that.” 

Without missing a beat, Josh immediately leads them over to an obnoxious display. Large, bold fonts make large, bold claims. Best night of sleep. No more pain. No money down. Easy payments. No credit, no problem! 

“This is the Sleep On It 3000,” Josh proclaims, proudly standing next to the behemoth. “Now, this right here?  _ This  _ is a mattress.” He slaps it, to emphasize his point, in case Sam and Dean weren’t sure. 

Sam raises an eyebrow and glances at the price. “It’s out of our price range.”

“We have a price range?” Dean snips. “You can’t put a price on a good night’s sleep.” 

“We’re not spending three thousand dollars on a bunch of foam,” Sam snips back. “You agreed when I said we’d stick to seventeen hundred or less. Preferably ‘or less.’” 

Josh takes a step forward, hands clasped. “Hey, friends, this is an investment. This isn’t your ordinary mattress. See all the other mattresses in the store? Those are the  _ ordinary _ ones for  _ ordinary _ people. This here is a beauty. You get to experience pure luxury--soft where you want it, firm where you need it.” 

Sam jabs Dean in the ribs with his elbow. 

Undeterred, Josh continues. “This is ultra responsive, NASA grade memory foam, plus a layer of Serene comfort quilted gel matrix for added softness and comfort. It’s expertly engineered to evenly distribute your body weight and the body weight of your life partner!” 

“That tells me nothing,” Sam sighs. “Where is this magic foam sourced from?”

“Did you know,” Josh replies, his smile unwavering, “that this here bed is infused with lavender and green tea for additional relaxation and healing properties?”

Dean shrugs.

“Big deal. I spilled coffee on our bed, so it’s technically infused with the healing properties of caffeine.” He waves off further explanation about the lavender. “Look here, Josh. I want a bed that does two things: doesn’t hurt my knee and doesn’t impair the activities between me and my ‘life partner.’”

Looking around the rest of the brightly lit store, Sam wanders away. 

Dean can handle Josh. Or Josh can handle Dean. 

Sam comes across a bed that practically promises to cure snoring. Intrigued, he takes a second to lie down flat on his back, hands clasped over his waist. 

“You’re complaining about the budget, but I find your ass on a five thousand dollar model,” Dean snorts, sidling up to the bed. “I’m not dropping five grand for you to sleep on something like you’re dead.”

“I’m trying it out,” Sam snarls. “And if it gets rid of your snoring, it’d be worth every penny.” 

Loudly commenting on how much his back hurts, Dean sits down on the opposite side of the bed. 

“You have to lie down on it,” Sam insists. 

“Hell no, not this one. If my ass doesn’t feel great, why would I subject my back to this shit?”

“Just lie the hell down.” Sam yanks Dean down by the back of his jacket. “There. Was that so difficult?” 

“It’s like lying on a rock.”

“Eh. It’s kinda firm.”

“Quit avoiding the word ‘hard.’” 

“...I’m not avoiding it.”

“Thanks, Professor.” 

“I don’t wanna listen to you make jokes, Dean. I wanna get this over with.”

Dean gasps, hand on his chest, looking over at Sam. “Do you not enjoy shopping with me? Sam? Answer me.” He proceeds to roll over and straddle Sam, until they’re nose to nose. “I don’t like this one.”

Rolling his eyes, Sam shoves Dean off him. 

They try another mattress at random. 

“What happened to Josh?” Sam asks, lying down on a bed that can only be described as puffy. Images of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man float through Sam’s head. 

Easing himself down, Dean takes care not to flop himself into the puffy pit. “He’s fine. You might even say he’s  _ chill _ .” 

“What did you do to him.” 

“Nothing!”

“Dean.”

“So I have him in a hold from across the room. He’ll be fine. He deserves a break. And I deserve a break from listening to him yap.” 

“Did we not discuss using restraint when it came to things like that?” 

“I can’t seem to recall…” Dean taps his chin. “Yeah, no, don’t remember discussing that.” 

Sam rolls onto his side, still facing Dean. “This feels like I’m lying down on a waterbed without the water.”

“I don’t know how they manage to make shit so uncomfortable. Who would buy this?”

“This makes our bed at home look better and better.” 

“Are you kidding?” Dean extracts himself from the waterless waterbed. “We need a new mattress. Quit trying to pinch pennies. We might as well sleep in the car or on the sofa with the mattress we’ve got.”

Unconvinced, Sam follows Dean over to another bed. Their Goldilocks saga continues. This bed promises the best of both worlds--medium firmness and a touch of softness provided by a pillow top. They sit and lie down, side by side. Within thirty seconds, they move onto another bed. 

“I think this place is a bust,” Sam mutters. “There’s a bowling ball on this one.” 

Dean picks up the ball. “Huh. Must be a demonstration. Lie down and I’ll bounce it.”

“I’m  _ not _ trusting you to bounce a sixteen pound, blue ball next to me--shut it.” 

“Blue balled again,” Dean cackles. “C’mon. Where’s your sense of fun? Fine. I’ll lie down and you bounce it.” True to his word, he cedes control of the ball and lies down. “Hey, this one ain’t half bad. Cue the ball.”

Sam sighs. Against his better judgment, he drops the ball, aiming for Dean’s hips. 

“Hey!” Dean sits up. “I trusted you!” 

“That was your first mistake,” Sam teases. He leans over and places a placating kiss on Dean’s mouth. “Hmm. This one’s actually within our budget.” 

With a weak scowl, Dean accepts the kiss and lies back down. He pats the empty side--an invitation for Sam, who complies, minus the bowling ball. Dean reports that he doesn’t feel Sam’s movement, which is the first detail in its favor. The model happens to be a California King, which matches their bed frame. 

“How’s the knee?” 

“Could be worse.”

“That’s a great description, very useful, thank you.”

“It’s good, it’s good. Sheesh. How’s the lower back?”

“Alright.”

“How come you get to nag me about my responses and you get to be Mister Vague?”

“Because I’m the Professor, that’s why.”

“You make no fucking sense, Professor.” 

“I think this is a hybrid mattress.”

“So it takes gas and electricity.”

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Laughing, Dean rolls onto his side. He nudges Sam. “Go on. Roll over. Lemme spoon you.”

“Ah, romance, the Dean Winchester Way.” Sam obliges. 

“Nuh uh. If I had it my way, we’d both be naked.” 

“Don’t think Josh would appreciate that.”

“Who wouldn’t appreciate seeing us go at it? Look at us. We’re fucking gorgeous specimens of incredible physique.” 

“You’re making yourself sound like the Statue of David, Dean.” 

“I’m thinking more Ah-nold. Maybe Stalone, back in the Rocky II or III days.”

“Shh. Listen.”

“To what?”

“The sound of me rolling my eyes.”

Dean punches Sam in the shoulder. “Bitch.” 

“Jerk,” Sam quips. He closes his eyes, content to bask in fluorescent lighting, cheesy muzak, and the solid presence of Dean beside him. 

“Let’s have sex,” Dean whispers into Sam’s ear. “C’mon.” 

A blush spreads over Sam’s face at the speed of light. “What? No!” 

“Puh. We’re the only ones here.”

“What about Josh?! What if someone comes in?! The cameras?!” 

“Jesus, quit screaming, I haven’t even started fucking you.”

“Be serious, Dean.” 

“I  _ am  _ serious.” Dean’s left hand snakes its way down to settle on Sam’s hip. “I got a decent hold on our pal Josh. We’re in the back of the store. I’ll wipe the security tapes before we leave.” 

Disturbed that Dean has thought the majority of this through, Sam shakes his head. “No. Definitely no. Absolutely not. I’m not using the Dean Winchester Way to test out a mattress in the store.”

“Fine. Blow me, then.” 

“In your dreams, short stack.” 

“I’m not short.” 

“Shorter than  _ me _ .” 

“Everyone’s shorter than  _ you _ , Sasquatch.” 

“Chester isn’t.”

“Ugh, Chester. Don’t harsh my buzz.” 

“He called the other day.”

“So did my boot to his ass.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s flying in next week and we’re going to the opera.”

“You mean you, me, and him are going to the opera.”

“You fall asleep every single time I try to take you anywhere that’s not a hockey game or a Tarantino movie. And you know what else? You snore worse there than you do at home.”

Dean sits up. “I won’t share a bed with someone who thinks I snore too loud. How dare.” 

Sam sits up. “Good, then I’ll have the whole bed to myself without a chainsaw next to me.” 

For a moment, neither of them say anything. It’s an odd moment. 

Simultaneously, they each lie back down. 

Taking a deep breath, Dean settles back into the mattress. “So? This the one?” 

“I suppose so. Unless you’re waiting for some sign from above.” 

“A blow job would be a nice sign from above.”

“I can take the hold off Josh, you know.”

“I dare you.”

“No,” Sam huffs. “Not worth the effort.” 

“Then let’s get the heck out of here to the privacy and comfort of our own home.”

“Sounds good.”

“ _ Then _ you can blow me.” 

“Keep it up and there won’t be anything to blow.” 

“You need new material, Sam. That’s hardly a threat.”

“Maybe let’s not talk about your cock for ten minutes.”

“No, wait,” Dean says, eyes lit up. He rolls onto his side, props up his head, and quips, “Let’s talk about my cock for ten minutes.” He pokes Sam, like a teenage girl talking about her first time. “Do you like it? What do you like about it? Isn’t it just the best? The greatest? The biggest? Sam. Sam. Sammy. Sammy-Sam-Sam.” 

Ten minutes later, Dean walks out of Sleep On It with a bruise on the arm and a receipt. Sam walks out with a slap to his ass. 

Their pal Josh tries to figure out how he agreed to sell a mattress at cost, with so little argument, and how it went from five thirty to six thirty in the evening during a sale that took no more than ten minutes. 

Dean starts the Impala and drops her into gear. “Where to next?” 

“Well,” Sam says with a yawn. He stretches his left arm out and subtly lets it fall over Dean’s shoulders. “We need a new set of sheets. If we go somewhere with a dressing room, maybe I can make it a memorable experience for you.” 

Dean grins. He speeds out of the parking lot. 

**Author's Note:**

> well, after three months of trying everything i could to get a good night of sleep (mattress topper, meds, pillows, etc.), i decided to tackle what seemed to be the issue: my mattress. was i happy about it? no, good mattresses are hella expensive. but considering i bought my memory foam mattress from amazon for $250 two years ago and have a ton of chronic pain issues... it was inevitable. :(
> 
> this is all to say that my beta deb and i decided to use my mattress experience for a tcv fic and here we are! XD my salesman was infinitely nicer, but i feel like sam and dean had more fun lol. 
> 
> i hope y'all have had a great thanksgiving/holiday, or at least a great thursday. <3


End file.
